Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC

The Onion
29 May 1012

IRVING, TX—Keeping with years of tradition of getting blown out in demoralizing defeats to its dominating competitor, the Big 12 Conference confirmed Monday it has agreed to a yearly bowl loss to the Southeastern Conference. "This is a proud day for the Big 12," said interim Big 12 commissioner Chuck Neinas, who acknowledged that the decision, like everything the conference has done in the past year, was forced on them by the SEC's pursuit for ever-increasing revenue and power. "Every New Years Day, a national television audience will get to enjoy an exciting matchup as the SEC champion thoroughly embarrasses the best remaining school in the Big 12 over the course of four agonizing quarters. For the dozen member institutions of the Big 12, it will be like the throbbing pain of their New Year's hangover never ended." According to the bowl agreement, if the SEC champion is playing for the national championship in a given year, the school at the bottom of the SEC standings will take their place in order to make the Big 12's loss all the more humiliating.